My only child - an open letter to my friend

An open letter to my friend

Today I told you that we've decided to stick at one child and that we are happy as a three and you replied: 

'Of course you will have another one! You can't have just one child, he will have no-one to play with.'

You do not know the anguish such words cause me. 

You are not there when tears spring to my eyes because I am scared my decision is a selfish one. You are not sitting with me as I google over and over 'should I have a second child?'. You don't have to sit with me reading threads of happy only children, just so I can find some reassurance. 

What shocks me is that you were there after I had my son. You saw the grey cloud, the emptiness in my eyes, the lost months, the broken years. You saw me struggling to contain my tears and anxieties, you watched me bend, break and fight. 

I still hold such sadness in my heart because I was not really with my son when he was born, my mind was far away from him and I could not find my way back. It was a terrifying time for me, my husband and my whole family. 

Our  little boy was brought into the world because we longed for him and that thought kept me going. I did fight my way back from that darkness and my husband was with me every step of the way, we fought together until I felt like myself again. My love for my son grew so strong and now we are the strongest family I know.

My son is a happy, giggly boy, his Mum is a confident, feisty lady, his Dad is a chilled out, lovely man. We are not willing to compromise that happiness, and though that decision hurts me, it is the only way to protect our happy family of three. 

So my friend, please know this decision was not taken lightly. You have not lived my story so you will have a different chapter, but please respect mine. 

(Families come in all shapes and sizes - please add a comment or tweet me, I love to hear from you.)

Twitter @newmumkaboom