Oh how we laughed through the tears

So just a quickie today ... just to say, I have mentioned the stupid amounts of blood, the anaemia, the leaky boobs, the lack of oxytocin, the cracked nipples, the sleepless nights, the anxiety, the scaremongering, the frantic shopping, the PND, the PTSD, the wee bag and catheter (maybe I didn't mention that - but who wants to hear about going home with a tube dangling from you like a female willy?)

But did I mention the tearing? The stitches? The fact that I had to sit on a children's blow up beach ring for weeks to even be able to sit down? And some lady has to come in and examine said stitches every week. Prudishness is a no, no after birth! Oh how we laughed... well actually no I didn't laugh. I sobbed into my dark space through the shame of it all. I wanted to crawl into the corner and let the ground swallow me up. I desperately wanted to go back to the sassy thirtysomething that I had been before all this had changed me forever.

But just so you know, I look back now and kinda laugh a bit. I mean the whole thing is absurd. Why we go into birthing thinking it will be a lovely experience and that we can all do it naturally, I just don't know. A broken arm heals naturally but we don't go in and say "Please no drugs, my body is a temple." If our child breaks their arm we wouldn't dream of saying "No drugs for him, please. We wouldn't want the little mite to feel dopey."

Seriously, well done to all those of you that did it naturally. I am pleased for you but also seething with jealousy inside We who did not have that experience had it a bit ruff, so please, let us take the drugs next time, if we want to.